How to Write a Eulogy: A Comprehensive Step by Step Guide
Losing a loved one is hard; writing a eulogy shouldn't be. In the midst of grief, the task of crafting a tribute can feel overwhelming, yet it's an opportunity to honour and celebrate a life well-lived.
A eulogy is a heartfelt speech delivered at a funeral or memorial service, offering a personal reflection on the deceased's life, character, and impact. It's a powerful way to share cherished memories, provide comfort to fellow mourners, and create a lasting tribute to your loved one.
Whether you're wondering how to write a eulogy for a parent, a spouse, a friend, or another beloved individual, this comprehensive guide is here to support you through the process. We'll walk you through each step, from gathering memories to delivering your speech, ensuring you create a meaningful and personal tribute.
Step 1: Gather Memories
The heart of any eulogy lies in the memories shared. Start by reaching out to family and friends. Ask them questions like:
- "What's your favourite memory of [Name]?"
- "What made [Name] unique or special to you?"
- "How did [Name] impact your life?"
Pro Tip
Keep a small notebook or use your phone to jot down memories as they come to you. Sometimes the smallest details make the most meaningful stories.
Don't forget to reflect on your own experiences too. Those small, everyday moments often paint the most vivid picture of a person's character. For tips on collecting and organising memories, check out our guide on gathering information and memories for a eulogy.
Step 2: Choose a Structure
There's no one-size-fits-all approach to structuring a eulogy. Here are a few options to consider:
Choose the structure that feels most natural and best represents your loved one's life. Our different types of funerals guide can help you align your eulogy structure with the overall tone of the service.
Step 3: Write the First Draft
Starting can be the hardest part. Consider beginning with a meaningful quote or a powerful memory. As you write, use transitional phrases like "One thing we'll always remember about [Name] is..." to smoothly move between sections.
Remember
Your first draft doesn't need to be perfect. Just let your thoughts and memories flow.
If you're finding it challenging to organise your thoughts, our Funeral Speech AI tool can help. Simply enter your memories and stories, and Funeral Speech will arrange them into a cohesive and meaningful eulogy. This allows you to focus on recalling and sharing your personal experiences while our tool takes care of the structure and flow.
With Funeral Speech you can:
- Ask family and friends via an email link to add their memories
- Edit your eulogy unlimited times
- Adjust tone, length, humour and emotion
- Convert your eulogy or funeral poem into various languages
At Funeral Speech we're proud to offer a multilingual eulogy writing tool that breaks down language barriers and promotes inclusivity in times of grief and remembrance.
Step 4: Edit and Refine
Once you have your draft, it's time to polish:
Editing Checklist
- Read it aloud to check for flow and tone
- Cut any repetitive information to keep it concise
- Ensure a consistent tone throughout
- Consider asking a trusted friend for feedback
Step 5: Practice Delivery
Practicing your eulogy is crucial:
- Read it aloud several times to become familiar with the content
- Time yourself to ensure you're within 3-5 minutes
- Prepare for emotional moments by taking deep breaths
- Use pauses effectively for emphasis and to manage emotions
Eulogy Examples
Here are brief examples to inspire you:
For a Parent
"My mother/father taught me more than just life skills. She/he showed me how to face challenges with grace, to laugh even in tough times, and to always, always make time for a good cup of tea..."
See our guides: how to write a eulogy for mother, father
For a Spouse
"When I first met Thomas/Christine, I was struck by his/her/their warmth and wit. Little did I know that those qualities would be the foundation of our 40-year adventure together..."
See our guides: how to write a eulogy for husband, wife, life partner
For a Friend
"Sarah and I shared so many laughs over the years. From our disastrous attempts at baking to our 'shortcut' hikes that always ended up longer. Sarah's optimism and humour shone through..."
See our guide: how to write a eulogy for a friend
For more comprehensive examples, visit our eulogy examples page. Whether you are writing a eulogy for a parent, grandparent, brother, sister, spouse, partner, child or baby we have specific guides for you.
Helpful Tools
Eulogy Length Calculator
Calculate the approximate word count needed based on your speaking time.
Estimated Word Count
625 - 750 words
Based on average speaking pace of 125-150 words per minuteThis is about 2-3 pages double-spaced
Tone Selector
Explore different tones to find the right style for your eulogy. Click each option to see an example.
Example
"We are gathered here today to honour the memory of James Smith, whose distinguished career and dedication to his community left an indelible mark on all who knew him..."
A formal tone is traditional and dignified, suitable for more traditional services. It emphasises respect and accomplishments.
Religious vs Secular Eulogy Examples
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Keep these pitfalls in mind:
Making it too long
Aim for 3-5 minutes to maintain audience engagement and respect the service schedule.
Including overly negative stories
Focus on uplifting memories and positive impact while being authentic to their memory.
Forgetting to practice
Rehearse your delivery to build confidence and identify any awkward passages.
Using inside jokes
Choose stories and references that will resonate with the entire audience.
Focusing too much on yourself
Keep the focus on the deceased and their impact on others' lives.
Let Us Help You Honour Their Memory
Writing a eulogy is a deeply personal task, but you don't have to do it alone. At Funeral Speech, we're here to support you. Our AI-assisted tool can help organise your thoughts and provide writing prompts, allowing you to focus on the personal touches that make your eulogy unique.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here are answers to some common questions:
How long should a eulogy be?
Typically, 3-5 minutes (about 500-750 words).
What if I get too emotional?
It's perfectly normal. Take a deep breath, pause if needed, and continue when ready.
Can I use humour?
Yes, if it's appropriate and reflects the person's character.
Additional Resources
Grief Support Organizations
Funeral Planning Guides
These resources offer valuable information and support for those dealing with grief, planning funerals, and improving public speaking skills.