What Is a Funeral Wake? A Complete Guide to Arranging a Meaningful Gathering
After the formality of a funeral service, a wake provides an opportunity for family and friends to come together in a more relaxed setting to celebrate the life of the person who has passed away. Planning this gathering might feel overwhelming during an already emotional time, but this guide will help you understand what a funeral wake is and how to arrange one that honours your loved one appropriately.
What Is a Funeral Wake?
A funeral wake is a social gathering held after a funeral service where people come together to remember and celebrate the life of the deceased. Traditionally, the term "wake" referred to a vigil held before the funeral, but in modern custom, it typically describes the post-funeral reception.
Unlike the more formal funeral service, a wake offers a relaxed environment for sharing memories and stories and providing mutual comfort and support. It is a way to celebrate the life of the person who has passed, connecting with friends and family members.
Whether you call it a wake, a funeral reception, or a celebration of life, this gathering serves as an important part of the grieving process, offering closure and community support.
The Difference Between a Funeral and a Wake
Many people confuse funerals and wakes or use the terms interchangeably. Here's how they differ:
Funeral Service is typically more formal and structured and is often held in a religious venue or crematorium. The funeral service will include ceremonial elements like readings, eulogies, and prayers which are usually led by an officiant (religious leader or celebrant).
Funeral Wake is more informal and social in nature and held in various venues from restaurants to homes. They are less structured, allowing for natural conversation and memory sharing. There is no officiant required, though family members might give informal speeches.
The wake usually follows the funeral service, providing a space for attendees to gather, share refreshments, and remember the deceased in a more relaxed setting.
If you're preparing for the funeral service itself, you might find our guide on how to write a eulogy helpful for crafting a meaningful tribute to your loved one.
Where to Hold a Funeral Wake
The venue for a wake should reflect both practical considerations and the personality of the deceased. Here are some common options:
1. Restaurants and Pubs
Many families choose to hold wakes at local restaurants or pubs. These venues offer, professional catering and service in a neutral space with ample room. There is no cleaning responsibilities for the bereaved family and are usually familiar, comfortable surroundings.
2. Community Halls and Function Rooms
Community spaces such as: Church halls, Social clubs, Hotels with function rooms and community centres. These venues often provide flexibility for larger groups and may allow you to bring in your own catering or decorations.
3. Family Home
A more personal option is to host the wake at the home of the deceased or a family member. This offers private, intimate setting with familiar environment filled with memories, greater flexibility in timing, with potentially lower costs. However, hosting at home requires more preparation and clean-up, which might be overwhelming during a difficult time.
4. Outdoor Venues
For someone who loved nature, consider Garden gatherings, park meet-ups (check if permits are required), beachside gatherings or a woodland setting. Weather considerations are important when planning outdoor wakes.
5. Meaningful Locations
Some families choose venues that held special significance to the deceased such as their favourite restaurant, sports club they belonged to or a place connected to their hobby or passion.
Cost Considerations for a Funeral Wake
The cost of arranging a wake varies significantly depending on your choices. Here's a breakdown of potential expenses:
Venue Costs
Various from at home £0 venue cost (potentially other expenses) to Hotel £1000+
Catering Expenses
Self catering, variable cost to around £30 per head catering
Beverages
Cash bar no cost to open bar potentially £500+ depending on number of guests and venue
Additional Considerations
Memory cards from £1 to Personalised items around £200
Many funeral directors can help arrange wake venues and catering as part of their services. While planning the wake, you'll likely also be preparing for the funeral service itself. Our AI-powered eulogy writing tool at Funeral Speech can help you craft a meaningful tribute while you focus on other arrangements.
Who Should Attend a Funeral Wake?
The guest list for a wake typically includes family members, friends, colleagues, neighbours and members of club and social groups the deceased belonged to
Unlike the funeral service, which is often open to anyone who knew the deceased, a wake can be more selective if desired. The invitation approach depends largely on family preference.
Open Invitation - all are welcome
Specific Invitations - personal invitation
Private Family Gathering - immediate family
Creating a Personal and Meaningful Wake
A thoughtful wake reflects the personality and life of the person being remembered. Here are ways to make it more personal:
Display Elements
Photo boards or digital slideshows, meaningful possessions or hobby items, achievement mementos or awards, favourite books, music or artwork
Personalised Activities
Memory sharing circle where guests take turns sharing stories, guest book for attendees to write memories or messages, memory cards where guests can write down a favourite memory and playing the deceased's favourite music
Food and Drink Choices
Serving the deceased's favourite meals or treats, including family recipes that were significant and cultural foods that reflect heritage or tradition
Personalisation makes the wake more meaningful and provides comfort to those grieving. Many families also incorporate poetry into both the funeral service and wake. Our collection of funeral poems offers beautiful verses that can be shared during either occasion, providing comfort and expressing complex emotions when your own words may fall short.
Funeral Wake Etiquette: How to Act
Whether you're hosting or attending a wake, understanding the appropriate etiquette helps everyone navigate this emotional gathering.
For Hosts
Greet guests as they arrive if possible and accept help when offered, don't feel obligated to "entertain" – this is a community gathering. Take breaks when needed; assign a family representative if necessary and consider having a designated person to take photos if appropriate
For Attendees
Dress appropriately, offer condolences to close family members. Share memories of the deceased when appropriate, be mindful of your time – don't overstay if the venue has time limits. Offer practical help where possible
Conversation Guidance
It's appropriate to share positive memories and stories, laughter and humour are welcome when remembering good times. Avoid discussing uncomfortable topics or family conflicts. Be sensitive to those who are grieving deeply
Keeping in Touch After the Wake
The wake marks an important milestone in the grieving process, but support should continue beyond this gathering. In the months following the funeral, many people find solace in poetry and written expressions of grief. Our collection at Funeral Speech includes verses suitable for memorials, anniversary gatherings, and personal reflection during the grieving process.
Cultural Variations in Funeral Wakes
Funeral traditions vary significantly across cultures and regions
Cross cultural differences highlight the importance of respecting family traditions and preferences when planning or attending a wake.
Final Thoughts
Understanding what a funeral wake is and arranging one provides an opportunity to celebrate a life in a way that feels right for your family and honours the person you've lost. Whether simple or elaborate, the most meaningful wakes reflect the personality and values of the deceased while providing comfort to those grieving.
If you're currently preparing for both the funeral and wake, you may be feeling overwhelmed by all the arrangements. Our resource on how to write a eulogy can help simplify at least one aspect of your preparations, offering step-by-step guidance for creating a meaningful tribute.
Funeral Speech also offers tools to help you craft personalised funeral speeches with the assistance of AI, allowing you to focus on healing while still creating a fitting tribute to your loved one.
Remember that there is no single "right way" to hold a funeral wake. The most meaningful gathering will be one that reflects your loved one's personality and provides comfort to those mourning their loss.